Book of Goodbyes
by Lucretia Nettleson
Summary: Severus Snape is given an assignment by his father to brush up on his grammar and writing in general: he is given a journal. It turns into a book of his young life.


Title: Book of Goodbyes  
Archive: Yes, just please e-mail me at Stephanie@12thtexascav.org FIRST to let me know where you're placing this.  
Rating: R (Language and some sexual situations later on)  
Ships: All het.  
Author's note: Please note that in this is in diary format. I have given the first few years of Severus Snape's entries a slightly awkward and naïve writing style that befits an 11 year old. Though it's probably not that bad as I didn't want to make it too painful to read. Note, I originally wrote this with strike-throughs, however fanfiction.net does not support them so I begin each selection that was crossed out with [ and then make a note afterward.  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyright to J.K. Rowling. I take no credit for the invention of Severus Snape or any of the Harry Potter creation. I make no money off of this.  
  
31st August, 1971  
[I really don't know why I'm doing this.] [strike through]  
Sylvia gave me this [dairy][scribbled out] journal and told me that I'm to write in it so that I can tell her in better detail what it's like at Hogwarts. Personally, I think it's a dumb idea and this journal was a stupid gift unless of course I can use it for ideas on new projects. Perhaps that is what I'll do with it. Father however, said that it is a good idea for a wizard to keep account of everything he does as the memory is not as always sharp as we would like it to be. And that "you never know when you may be called upon to give account of where you were on a particular night." He then asked me what was I doing on Thursday night two weeks ago. I couldn't tell him exactly so I guess he has a point, though I don't want to think of when I would be asked to give such information. Anyway. I think I've written enough for today. This is really boring. I'll be SO glad to get away from mum and dad and even Sylvia. She ruined my last project by bumping a test tube with her elbow. She denies it but I know she did it. Little sisters are annoying. [I wish I had a brother].[crossed out]  
  
1st September  
I suppose I'll be a little more serious with this journal. Father let me know as I was embarking on the train today to go to school that he would read it when I got back and would check on spelling and grammar. So I suppose I'll give an account of my first day.  
Father took Evan and I down to London. We went by train from Cardiff. Jack and his mother came along as well as Lucretia Nettleson. We were going to travel coach but Mrs. LeStrange insisted that we ride first class. She then made me eat some scones without sugar. She thinks sugar is bad for us but if it was so bad, I don't think they would put it in so many things. Jack and I bought some cauldron cakes and chocolate frogs once we were on the train to Hogwarts.  
The ride was long and Lucretia talked a lot. I think girls talk too much. Evan and I snuck off to see the rest of the train but she kept Jack hostage. Actually, I think Jack likes her. When we were first starting lessons at Mrs. Wilkes' he gave her a flower during lunch. I never want a girlfriend. I see students on the train kissing and I think it's gross. Besides, kissing just leads to marriage, which leads to fighting.  
After the long train ride, we got to Hogwarts at night and this really big hairy guy, (he's got to be part giant or something), made us all get into these boats and we sailed across a lake to get to the castle. We entered from underneath and one of the professors took us up to the main floor then prattled on about the different Houses and House points and everything you'd know as long as you're not a mudblood.  
She took us into the main hall where everyone was already seated. All the older students stared at us and Lucius threw a wad of paper at me. I got him back with a furnunculus hex later in the evening. A lot of my classmates were really impressed with that. I suppose that they're not used to first years being able to do spells. I wonder if we're allowed to skip years. I'll ask in the morning.   
[And] [crossed out] I was put into Slytherin after the Deputy Headmistress put a ratty old hat on my head. It spoke in my ear. [It almost put me in] [heavily scribbled out]  
Evan, Jack, and Lucretia are all in Slytherin too. Evan, Jack, and this boy named Nigel Avery are my roommates.   
  
2/9  
I had my first classes today. I asked about skipping years and the professors said no. I had two classes: Transfiguration and Charms. Charms was stupid. I know so very many spells and I had to sit and make a feather float up and down. Transfiguration was a little more interesting but I hate the professor. She's the Head of House for Gryffindor and her face looks like a raisin with glasses stuck on when she's mad and I bet she wears a wig.  
  
3/9  
I had Potions today. We just made some simple colour-changing potion, which I did when I was about 8. I put in some extra scarab wings and had some flobberworm puss in my bag and made an erumpent potion instead but the professor wasn't impressed and actually took off points for not following directions.  
  
10/9  
I haven't written in a while because nothing really important has happened. Evan's in detention with the school caretaker named Filch that wanders around the school with a cat that looks like he scraped her up off the road. This is Evan's second detention. I told him to stop because he was losing so many points from our House. He won't listen. The only good thing is that he's gotten his detentions with this Gryffindor that he's always picking fights with so the Gryffs have been losing points too.  
Ordered some new potions ingredients. I'm going to try and make a confusing concoction. If I have only the silly cleaning concoctions to do in my Potions class, I think I'll go mad. I wish I could teach the class. Then maybe we could actually get something done.  
  
12/9  
Jack is a dunderhead.  
  
1/10  
Tested the confusion concoction. Success. For my next project, I'm going to attempt to make a dog breath potion. I also want to find another test subject for the confusion concoction as Nigel seems fairly confused most of the time anyway.  
  
9/10  
I received my parcel at breakfast with the new ingredients I ordered. I'm getting low on funds so I'll be using some from the Potions lab. I was able to start the base solution this evening using my old 5 litre collapsible cauldron. I'm hoping it'll hold.  
  
10/10  
[Lucretia is such a bitch! did something horrible! She complained that the smell of my potion was ruining the common room so she turned off the Bunsen burner. Ruined it. I'm going to start a new batch and use her for a test subject.][strike through]  
Difficulty with dog breath potion. Will have to reorder supplies.  
  
18/10  
Got new supplies. Am trying the dog breath potion once again. This time I'm setting it up with a protection spell over it that will hex anyone who touches it.  
  
19/10  
Jack is a dunderhead. He's almost worse than Evan. I think that the two of them are competing for who can lose Slytherin the most points. More detentions with Filch.   
  
23/10  
Dog breath potion completed and HIGHLY volatile. Very successful.  
  
31/10  
All right. I believe some explanation is in order. There's a letter going home to my parents tomorrow and if you read this, father, I know you'll wonder what exactly I've been up to. It's difficult remembering to keep a journal and so not everything that has happened is included in here. I will try to catch up.  
Jack and Evan are not the only ones who have had detentions with Filch, (though they drag me down with them. None of it has been my idea.)  
You see, there's these two Gryffindor students who have repeatedly been harassing us. It began with Evan fighting with this one named Serious Black and then Jack of course had to follow along. This Black had friends of course, one named James Potter who then began to harass us as well. I was only defending the dignity of my House. You said never to back down from a fight if challenged. I was challenged. Time and again. I used my resources, which at the time were the confusing concoction and the dog breath potion. I was only trying to make you proud and not back down from a fight.  
  
1/11  
I was called in Professor Bulstrode's office today and then met with Professor McGonagall. I'll be doing a week worth of chores for Filch.   
  
2/11  
A letter came from Sylvia today along with one from mother. I am going to try harder and not listen to Jack and Evan so much.  
[Attatched letter:  
Dear Severus,  
Mum and dad got the note from Hogwarts. Dad had a conniption fit and mum cried. Why do you have to get into trouble? I know that we used to get into plenty of trouble here, sneaking up on Mrs. Malfoy, bringing a badger into the house, and grossing out Narcissa Mulciber but we never picked fights. Please stop. Dad said that if you keep it up, he's going to send you to Durmstrang and you won't be able to come home for Christmas or maybe not until you graduate. I miss you and it's dreadfully dull around here without you. Mum keeps making me dress up and go play with Narcissa. She has tea parties with DOLLS. I brought a rat and she screamed. Charlie misses you too. I've ridden him a bit but Onyx gets upset so not too much. You be good now and we'll go riding when you come home.  
Sincerely you sis,  
Sylvia]  
  
3/11  
Got top marks on my Transfiguration exam.  
  
9/11  
Got a galleon and some sickles for my birthday. Wish I could go to Hogsmead and actually buy something with them.  
  
30/11  
Final exams are coming up. I'm worried most about Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall doesn't like me. I swear that she glared at me while handing back my last exam, which was the highest score of the class. I'm hoping to be top in my year. Beat out James Potter. All the teachers seem to favor him.  
  
13/12  
Got top scores on all my exams. I'm top in my year so far. McGonagall looked simply green.  
  
15th December  
Father read my journal. He was displeased with my "profuse use of incomplete sentences, sporadic run-ons, lack of semicolons, colons, and complete disregard for the rules of the comma." I am also to write more as I was informed that I should have filled far more pages than this. Sylvia is also unhappy and complained that most of my entries were just Potions notes. It looks like I will be spending more time with this blasted little journal.  
  
8th January, 1972  
Christmas holiday was enjoyable enough; mother and father were both unhappy with me still, but there was lots of snow and Sylvia and [me][strike through] I got to ride a lot. I received some new Potions equipment and Sylvia got a new saddle for Onyx. She really wanted a puppy but I reminded her that dogs aren't allowed at Hogwarts and that she'd probably still have the dog in two years; mum hates dogs anyway. I would have liked a new saddle only I think Charlie would only snort at it and throw me.  
Lucius came over and visited a few times and went riding with us like he used to: before he was a second year and me only a "firsty." He brought his family's dogs and we chased a jackrabbit down into the moor. Sylvia and Lucius were the ones to actually catch it. Lucretia came that time along with Jack; she rides this crazy sidesaddle but manages to keep up well. I don't think I realized how much I missed Sylvia until I came back: I wish she were coming to Hogwarts sooner. I got her a green and silver scarf and our House team banner for Christmas.  
I returned to school today. I think I'm going to make it my goal to stay first in my year and become Head Boy and I'm not going to let Jack and Evan get in the way.  
  
9th January  
Potions and believe it or not, Transfiguration seem to be my best subjects. Potions was for certain but despite the female bulldog of Gryffindor: I'm excelling in Transfig. I can hardly wait for my third year when I can take some new courses; trips to Hogsmead will also be a great plus.  
  
10th January  
We made this huge mutant snowman and stuck a Gryffindor sweater and a broken broom in its mouth. It was about 3 meters tall! The Gryffs will probably have torn it down by morning but we got pictures and are putting it in the annual.  
I think I need a new cloak: I'll owl mum tomorrow.  
  
12th January  
Had a pop quiz in Charms. I was not ready for it and am afraid of how I did. I've worked so hard for my grades. I don't want to have them ruined by something so stupid!  
  
14th January  
Didn't do as bad as I thought on that quiz. No one else did well so Professor Flitwick gave a generous curve.  
  
20/1  
Evan got in a fight again with Black. I decided to help and ended up fighting with Potter again. I have to polish the trophy room tomorrow after classes.  
  
14/2  
I think Valentines Day is the stupidest holiday. Where did it come from, anyway? I didn't get any cards, thank Merlin. Jack gave Lucretia one and she laughed at it. Girls are mean. It makes me wonder what Sylvia will be like when she gets here. I hope she doesn't turn all silly. Though, she does hate the colour pink.  
  
16/2  
The last Quidditch game was spectacular! Slytherin won the Quidditch Cup this year. Lucius is a chaser and brags about it but I don't think he's that good. His father just probably bought him a spot on the team.   
Antonin Dolohov, our captain and a beater was just wonderful. He managed to crash a bludger right into the Ravenclaw seeker just before they were about to catch the snitch and allowed our seeker to help us win the game and the cup. There's been a lot of arguments over whether that was a foul or not, but they're all just sore losers. In order for there to be a winner, there has to be a lot of losers and they just have to deal with it.  
Mother never did send me a new cloak.  
  
5th April  
Remembering to write in this journal is hard. I know I forgot but I've had a lot of homework. Second term is proving to be more difficult than the first. I can hardly wait for summer.   
Potter and Black along with a new Gryffindor they picked up for their pack named Lupin were caught snooping around the entrance to our Common Room. I called Professor Bulstrode on them and they got into trouble. Now they're mad at me. Lucretia heard them mutter my name in the hall then hush up. I've decided that I'll prepare myself against them. Have a new potion in mind.  
  
9th April  
Dad's angry again. I hate Potter. Maybe it would be better if I went to Durmstrang. This journal idea is thick. This is going to be my last entry.  
[Note attached:  
Dear Severus,  
Please stop fighting. Mum and dad are serious about Durmstrang. They've been talking about how to save up the money to send you. How do you get into so much trouble? Just walk away next time one of those boys bother you.  
Sincerely,  
Sylvia] 


End file.
